The scene at Capitol Hill was nothing short of a political roast. Pete Hegseth, Donald Trump’s nominee for Secretary of Defense, walked into his confirmation hearing like a man who knew the spotlight was his. Surrounded by fans chanting “USA, USA, USA” and wearing Hegseth-branded hats, the former Fox News host and self-proclaimed champion of the “warrior culture” gave Democrats all the fodder they needed—and then some.
From his past opposition to women in combat to his alleged boozy misadventures and financial mismanagement, Hegseth’s record was practically a buffet of controversy. Yet, for all the sharp questioning, he left the room mostly unscathed—or at least without a self-inflicted wound that might lose him Republican support.
Senator Jack Reed led the charge, delivering a scathing review of Hegseth’s qualifications. “Mr. Hegseth, I do not believe you are qualified to meet the overwhelming demands of this job,” Reed declared. Hegseth, unbothered, fired back with vague but confident declarations about “meritocracy” and “lethality,” which sounded impressive enough to keep the GOP on his side.
Then came Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, who lit into Hegseth’s past remarks about women in the military with all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. “You degrade women,” she said, referencing his claims that diversity initiatives had compromised military standards. Hegseth, looking like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar, promised he’d support women in combat—as long as “standards remain high.” Gillibrand wasn’t buying it.
But the pièce de résistance was when Hegseth’s critics dredged up a 2017 sexual assault allegation (which he denies and for which he wasn’t charged), accusations of excessive drinking, and a tattoo-related “insider threat” incident during Joe Biden’s inauguration. Hegseth addressed all this with a mix of practiced humility and PR polish, even promising to quit alcohol if confirmed. If only sobriety could guarantee competence.
Despite the fireworks, Republican Senator Joni Ernst, seen as a potential swing vote, threw her weight behind Hegseth. “I will support President Trump’s pick for Secretary of Defense,” she declared, after ensuring the cameras were rolling. Other GOP members piled on with praise, describing Hegseth as “unconventional”—which, in Washington, is code for “we like him because he annoys the other side.”
As protesters interrupted Hegseth’s opening remarks with chants of “ACCOUNTABILITY IS COMING,” he doubled down on his pledge to “restore warrior culture” to the military. One might wonder if he meant literal warriors or just people who agree with his book tour talking points.
Hegseth’s confirmation vote promises to be a nail-biter, with Democrats united in opposition and Republicans holding a razor-thin majority. A loss would be historic—the last Defense Secretary nominee to be rejected was John Tower in 1989—but don’t expect Trump’s pick to go down quietly.
In a hearing that touched on everything except, you know, pressing global conflicts like Ukraine, Gaza, or China’s growing military might, Hegseth somehow managed to emerge mostly intact. Whether that says more about him or the state of modern politics is anyone’s guess.
If confirmed, Hegseth’s next move might be cleaning house at the Pentagon, ousting generals he sees as too “woke.” Until then, he’s content basking in the applause of his supporters and dodging Democratic jabs like a man who’s been here before.
Confirmation vote: coming soon. Popcorn: mandatory. Obviously, the hearing launched a thousand memes including Pete Hegseth weathering snipes from Democrats and a few Indian jokes about Elizabeth Warren. Here are some of the best memes and jokes about the hearing:
