“I gave up my job, my life, my identity – all for a love that brought me here, to the land of opportunity. Now, I wonder where my opportunity went.”
The journey of H4 visa spouses is almost looked at like some romantic transition into a new life in the U.S., but is quite not that at all. Behind the greenscape of opportunity, there is loss: loss of career, identity, and autonomy. For many women who come to the U.S. as dependents of H1-B visa holders, the American Dream is actually a paradox-a-place where they are much physically present, but professionally and emotionally absent.
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A spouse’s H1B can open the door of opportunities, but also comes with some jolting questions: What does one do when their career and identity hang in the balance?
Imagine working hard to build a promising career, excelling in your field, only to give it all up, when you move to a foreign country where the legal status prohibits you from working. This is the reality for so many women , who have a degree and years of experience, are suddenly paralyzed, and completely dependent on their spouses-not just for sustenance, but for a sense of identity. The jolt of losing financial independence, is losing one’s identity of sorts, which can take a mental toll on many dependent spouses.
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One H-4 spouse recalled, “I had been working since more than four years when I relocated to the U.S. with my husband. The honeymoon phase had its day of romance and traveling, but then stuck a sad emptiness. I wasn’t just jobless; I was invisible.”
The isolation due to the H-4 visa is not just because of physical separation from family and friends, it also stems from emotional and mental solitude of having no professional network, no social life, no sense of workplace belonging. Many women speak of feelings of loneliness, an inability to find community or make meaningful connections. And then, for some, this spirals into more serious mental health struggles, including anxiety and depression.
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“You begin to feel like you’re not contributing enough to the household or society. The days blur into each other, and it becomes harder to justify your existence.”
Sometimes, this emotional and psychological toll does not confine itself to a person individually but silently seeps into one’s marriage. The dynamics of spouses change when one becomes fully independent of the other. Usually, the feeling is one of guilt on the part of a stay at home spouse not to be able to contribute, with the pressure of taking care of the family all by herself.
Besides the emotional battle, physical and cultural challenges, most of the H-4 spouses find themselves playing the role of a homemaker-managing households, which they were not used to in their home country. This sudden transition to a domesticated life can get claustrophobic for women who once lived independently and had bustling lives. Lack of extended family or paid domestic help to share the household responsibilities, further intensifies the problem.
Social expectations differ significantly in the U.S. from what these women are accustomed to. At some point, the cultural adjustments can feel like a loss of one’s identity, and without a professional atmosphere, the feeling of loneliness prevails, not belonging to anything anymore.
The struggles of H-4 spouses endure-particularly women, are not personal, but rather systemic. Confining immigration policies that ban work capability are a collective loss of great potential, talent, and economic contribution. These are more than just dependents; but rather skilled, educated and ready to work.
As one spouse aptly puts it, “I didn’t choose this life – I chose my husband and this life came with it. But is it too much to ask for both – a career and a loving family?”
At this point it’s not just an immigration issue anymore; it’s human. This story reverberates the yearning to be noticed, contribute and get back their sense of purpose. It’s high time to reassess policies relegating capable people to the sidelines and consider what underlies those numbers: the human costs, the visa numbers. Behind every EAD waiting is a life in limbo, dreams deferred.
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