Erik ten Hag’s new favourite answer when a journalist asks him a question he does not like is: ‘I am sorry for you.’
He was at it again on Sunday evening after his Manchester United side had been hammered 3-0 by a Liverpool team that was on a different level.
Ten Hag, just for context, led United to their worst top flight finish for more than 30 years last season.
He has started this campaign with two defeats in his first three games despite having blown more than £600m on new signings.
This time, after he had been asked a fair question about the efficacy of his coaching methods, it was my Mail Sport colleague Ian Ladyman that Ten Hag said he pitied.
Erik ten Hag presided over a miserable 3-0 defeat by Liverpool on Sunday for Man United
He didn’t say why he felt sorry for him and we didn’t get the chance to ask him before he marched into the night.
I’ve got a few theories, though.
Maybe he feels sorry for journalists because we’ll never get to experience the crazed thrill of wasting £85m of United’s money on a winger like Antony.
Antony’s not bad at playing ring-a-ring o’ roses but he’s been a spectacular bust in every other department.
Maybe he feels sorry for us because we’ll never have the brass neck to boast about winning the Carabao Cup in March last year as if it puts Ten Hag in the pantheon of managerial greats.
The Carabao Cup is a big trophy if you’re a small team. If you’re the Manchester United manager, you should be embarrassed about mentioning it as a token of achievement.
And when you mention it again a few minutes after you’ve been humiliated by your greatest rivals in the league, a competition that does matter, someone at the club really ought to tell you it’s not a good look.
Arne Slot side comprehensively outplayed Ten Hag’s men on a sobering afternoon
Antony is among the big-money signings to have gone horribly wrong for Ten Hag
Maybe he feels sorry for us because we’ll never be so parochial that we think the answer to United’s problems is trying to buy every player who ever wore an Ajax shirt.
Or maybe it’s because we’ll never get to blame Scott McTominay’s departure for Napoli on Profit and Sustainability rules when PSR wouldn’t have been an issue if Ten Hag hadn’t blown so much money on duds.
Maybe he feels sorry for us because we would never have the braggadocio to play the big man when we had just been made to look thoroughly second-rate by Arne Slot.
Slot has only been in charge at Anfield for three games and already he is showing Ten Hag how it is possible to make an immediate impact at a leading club.
Ten Hag is beginning his third season at Old Trafford, he is spending money like water, and United are getting worse.
Marcus Rashford and Co are not showing any signs of progress under their manager
He says he’s not Harry Potter but he’s not even Graham Potter. Potter might have struggled amid the chaos and dysfunction at Chelsea but he’s a better coach than Ten Hag.
Potter – Graham, that is, not Harry – would have made a better fist of reviving United and building a new culture and a new identity than Ten Hag has.
Maybe he feels sorry for us because we’ll never get to tell Manchester United’s players to ‘bring the fire’ against Liverpool and then watch them reduced to ashes.
Maybe he feels sorry for us because when he boasted about United winning the FA Cup, no one got a chance to remind him Louis van Gaal got sacked for winning the FA Cup at United.
Or maybe he feels sorry for us because he knows we’ll never get a £10m pay-off like the one that’ll be heading his way when he gets fired later this season.
Graham Potter struggled amid the chaos at Chelsea but he’s a better coach than Ten Hag
Liverpool blew Ten Hag’s side away and the Dutchman was full of hollow excuses
The irony, I suppose, is that Ten Hag says he is feeling sorry for us at precisely the moment when people are starting to feel sorry for him.
These forced attempts to demean people with his haughty faux-sympathy are defence mechanisms to try to deflect attention from the reality that he is floundering.
He is at the helm of England’s biggest club, he has lost the ability to steer it and he knows that his time is fast running out.
One look at the Old Trafford directors’ box late on Sunday afternoon would have told him that he is working for steel-eyed men who will not blink when they believe the time is right to rid themselves of him.
Sir Jim Ratcliffe (green jacket) had his head in his hand while watching at Old Trafford
Sir Jim Ratcliffe and Sir Dave Brailsford are ruthless people. They are putting a hierarchy of excellence in place at United and Ten Hag is looking like the odd man-out.
United’s victory over Manchester City in the FA Cup Final at the end of last season appears more and more like a piece of wreckage he is clinging to.
That win and the fact that none of Ratcliffe’s preferred successors were available saved Ten Hag’s skin temporarily.
But think of any other European giant – Bayern Munich, Real Madrid, Barcelona, PSG – finishing eighth in their domestic league and persisting with their manager; it simply wouldn’t happen.
It was a combination of United’s diminished expectations, the club’s dread of more upheaval and the inexperience of Ratcliffe and Brailsford that allowed Ten Hag to survive.
United’s owners decided to stick with Ten Hag after a poor season was salvaged by the FA Cup
Now, though, his act is wearing thin. His lofty dismissal of criticism is looking like absurd arrogance.
If I were Ratcliffe and Brailsford, I would be looking at Ten Hag’s complacency in the face of failure and wondering why this guy has quite such a high opinion of himself.
I’d have a high opinion of him if he won the Champions League or the Premier League for United.
Or even if he got a lot closer to challenging City than the chasm of 31 points that separated the two clubs last season.
Until that happens, I think I’ll have to settle for feeling sorry for him.
Dan Evans proved me wrong
I got it wrong about Dan Evans. A few years ago, I used to think Britain’s current fifth ranked men’s tennis player was a bit of a waster but I made a mistake.
The way he prioritised the interests of Team GB and the farewell of Andy Murray over his own career to participate in the Olympics in Paris earlier this summer was a rare example of unselfishness and honour in top-level sport.
Dan Evans’ win over Karen Khachanov showed what a brilliant competitor he is
His grit and his skill and his remarkable endurance in his record-breaking US Open first round victory over Karen Khachanov last week, the longest match ever played at Flushing Meadow, marked him out as an exceptional competitor and was one of the landmarks of the British sporting year.
And, most of all, his grace and uncommon kindness in the aftermath of the passing of his friend, Mail Sport’s much-loved and highly-respected tennis correspondent, Mike Dickson, marked him out as a fine human being. Sometimes, it’s lovely to be wrong.
Toney’s Saudi sale is our loss
Even though Brentford were driving a hard bargain over the sale of Ivan Toney, I still feel mystified that none of England’s elite sides came in for him before he sealed his move to Saudi Arabia’s Al-Ahli.
Ivan Toney’s move to Saudi Arabian side Al Ahli is a sad loss for the Premier League
Toney was one of the most clever and underrated forwards in the Premier League. He would have improved Chelsea.
He might have made the difference between Arsenal going close again this season and finally winning the title. His move abroad is the Saudis’ gain and our loss.
